This is a kind of post that I won't tell people directly. Since I don't have too many readers, I will spill it here.
I am totally in a crumbling session right now. I'm not as firm as something, I'm just as fragile as the crumble on top of the pie that your grandma might ever make it.
In this situation, I felt so depressed. I'm trying to denial each day of my life like something isn't gonna happen well eventually it will happen as soon as possible.
And in the wave of depression, I felt I was lost, I feel loneliness, like the urgency to have someone by my side. Then, I think about this: marriage.
Marriage is sacral, something that is too beautiful to be true, which I hope someday it could be true, I just don't know when. I love weddings, marriage, seeing two people stand in front of altars, or sat together and having a wedding Akad.
It's so magical when you take a vow in front of people, and in front of God Himself, telling Him, that you will take her/him to be with you forever for your life. Make sure she/he will never be alone anymore, that all the bitterness and sweetness of life will be faced together, not just by yourself.
There no more loneliness. You have someone...
Well, that's what I felt. I somehow wondering about someone, who stands beside me. I listen to his problems, and he listens to me. We see everything from my perspective and his. When I cried, he would be there, comforts me, saying some jokes and so we'll be laugh together. When he thought that he is the last man standing when life is full of shit, he would know that there's this girl, would stand with him, would listen, and gives her shoulder so at least he could rest a bit.
One day I become her wife, he becomes my husband. Together we build our ship together, screw each other lives, cherish each other moments, there's no regret between us.
I just love him, he just loves me. All flaws and ways we try to get better day by day.
I just somehow thought, when will that moment come?
I guess I just got beaten by loneliness itself, by my faith that goes down and lost in a fog. Everything is so blurred, so I just need someone.
I took a deep breath, try to make something... logic.
That's all, what I want to spill out.
I am totally in a crumbling session right now. I'm not as firm as something, I'm just as fragile as the crumble on top of the pie that your grandma might ever make it.
In this situation, I felt so depressed. I'm trying to denial each day of my life like something isn't gonna happen well eventually it will happen as soon as possible.
And in the wave of depression, I felt I was lost, I feel loneliness, like the urgency to have someone by my side. Then, I think about this: marriage.
Marriage is sacral, something that is too beautiful to be true, which I hope someday it could be true, I just don't know when. I love weddings, marriage, seeing two people stand in front of altars, or sat together and having a wedding Akad.
It's so magical when you take a vow in front of people, and in front of God Himself, telling Him, that you will take her/him to be with you forever for your life. Make sure she/he will never be alone anymore, that all the bitterness and sweetness of life will be faced together, not just by yourself.
There no more loneliness. You have someone...
Well, that's what I felt. I somehow wondering about someone, who stands beside me. I listen to his problems, and he listens to me. We see everything from my perspective and his. When I cried, he would be there, comforts me, saying some jokes and so we'll be laugh together. When he thought that he is the last man standing when life is full of shit, he would know that there's this girl, would stand with him, would listen, and gives her shoulder so at least he could rest a bit.
One day I become her wife, he becomes my husband. Together we build our ship together, screw each other lives, cherish each other moments, there's no regret between us.
I just love him, he just loves me. All flaws and ways we try to get better day by day.
I just somehow thought, when will that moment come?
I guess I just got beaten by loneliness itself, by my faith that goes down and lost in a fog. Everything is so blurred, so I just need someone.
I took a deep breath, try to make something... logic.
That's all, what I want to spill out.
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