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Intermezzo #8 : How It Feels To Be an INFP - Negative Version (still about #MBTI)

A long time ago I believe that myself is a extrovert. 
But I found that it's not easy to go out with bunch of people (when I'm not in the mood), it's not easy when people are talking what they feel, their thoughts. I mostly just agree/disagree.

And I don't like to do some group works. I mean.....how many brains are making one concept? It's just crazy :/

But with the people I love, at home, at my inner circle, I found out that I am the chatty one, I talk what I think, I laugh, I am become the comedian, I am the one that showing those emotions. Still I thought I am an extrovert, just because I am a talkative person.

Several years ago my friend read a book about intro/extrovert personality, and she said :
"Bener, nggak semua introvert dan ekstrovert dinilai dari pendiam atau enggaknya. Tapi dari sisi dia terbuka atau enggak. Dari dia mau menyampaikan yang ada di otaknya atau enggak," she said.

Still, I think I am an extrovert.

Then my sister said, "you're an introvert tau. di rumah aja betah diem-dieman di kamar seharian"

wow, simple thoughts!

I remember I ever took this MBTI quiz and my result was ENFP.

That's all, maybe I'm doing it when I feel so energize.
Terus iseng nyoba lagi, baru tahun lalu, tahun ini.

The result is : INFP

WHOA, I AM INTROVERT? HAHAHAHA WOW COOL.

Alright. INFP : Introvert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceive

Since people who read this won't care I will spill it in here.
My intuitive, feeling, and perceive are probably stay and grow inside of me, because of my childhood. I easily to get scary, when my dad or mom yell at me, I thought everyone will angry at the same way. That's why, I think I always scare at people who mad at me, because they will yell, or give that look. I mean they are not mean or evil, it's just my respond that give an excessive fears.

That's why, I think from that side, I kept something in me and since I barely to debate, everything, almost everything in my decision are made from my intuition. Since I hate the feeling when people are angry, mad, dislike you, I tend to be a "Feeler", I feel too much about a concept, and I think about other people too much, too. That's why, by knowing what people's preference in their life, it's just kinda hard for me. Because there's something that show "I need to understand people". And that also, that grows "Perceiving" in me. I don't know why I get used to sacrifice or being more tired or just let the words "Udah, sini gue aja yang ngerjain" slip from my mouth. I just ... don't understand the mechanism.

And, if you're not close enough to me...
I won't let you tell how I feel, my thoughts, my feeling..I will lie if I can, I will deny, if I can deny it. Because I think, will they understand the way I thought? Sometimes I just tired to get a "toxic positivity" respond but then I learn that it's not easy since they're not in my shoes. 

But at least, I learn from other people's way of think, how they give a reaction, their perspective, et cetera.

I tend to make people think I always happy even when I am not. 
I tend to cry, in my room, think about some crazy days and I must through that way.
I usually ended up, need to call a friend, suddenly in 11pm, just saying that I am not okay.

Well, that's a negativity that I felt of being an INFP.  I hope it doesn't drive me too much. I hope..


- S

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